8 Ways to Gift Yourself This Holiday Season

I love to give! It truly brings me joy. Unfortunately, I can give too much of myself, especially during the holiday season. 

Knowing this, I have to purposely prioritize what I would usually just be able to do. This means taking care of my physical, mental, and spiritual health. I mean, the holidays are stressful. I wish I could just say, “It doesn’t have to be,” but I don’t think that's the right thing to say. I think it would be better to say, “What is your strategy to get through the stress?” 

My answer to that is - take care of yourself FIRST! This is why I decided to give myself a gift of 8 reminders that I can turn to during my daily quiet time. And now, I’d love to give them to you! I hope they help you in your holiday stress strategy. 

Christmas Gift for Yourself Checklist

1. Don’t try to do everything by yourself. Instead, allow others to help. And don’t be afraid to ask for help (this includes asking your spouse).

2. Accept that perfection is a perception that differs with each person. Sometimes, we get caught up in appearing “perfect” to someone in our family or even ourselves, but we need to cut ourselves some slack.

3. The holidays shouldn’t be a time that you dread or suffer through. Take time for yourself, even if it’s 15 minutes of alone time. Shoot, hide in the closet if you have to with your favorite glass of something, some chocolate, maybe an adult coloring book, anything that allows you to be you. I like to listen to audiobooks that help remind me to show myself respect and love.

4. Don’t allow crap from your past (even past holidays) to ruin this one. You can do NOTHING about anything that happened in the past. To sound super cliche - the best present you can give yourself and your family is to be present. It’s not easy, but you are only given each moment as it happens. You cannot live backward (unfortunately, too many of us live our lives this way).

5. Be grateful. Write down at least three things you are grateful for, either on your phone or on a piece of paper. Keep this with you during the holidays and when you feel stressed, look at it and breathe.

6. Know when to say “no” and when to say “yes.” The easiest way to do this is to ask yourself, “Will doing this show me respect?” This is not to be acted upon selfishly, meaning do not have the “it’s my way or the highway” kind of attitude. That’s not what self-respect is anyways. I say this from experience that memories are made during this time that impacts each person deeply and differently, especially if you have kiddos. If you know you have a kiddo that doesn’t like to hug others, don’t force them. If your spouse is deployed and it’s just you and your kiddos, find a way to make it a fun day. Trust me; I’ve been there multiple times. (And for goodness sake, do NOT listen to I’ll Be Home for Christmas!) If you need to get your crying out, do what I suggested in #3 and once you’re done, remember - you only have now.

7. If you know someone who’s spending the holiday season alone, reach out to them for whatever reason. Maybe they still want to be alone, but you can always drop off some goodies to them just to let them know you care.

8. Know that you indeed are a superhero - you are a warrior - you are beautiful - you are strong - you are courageous - you are brave. So allow yourself the freedom to believe and accept yourself for the person you are and the person you’re becoming.

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✨ Group Coaching every month, with the opportunity to be an AMSE Group Coach yourself!

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Caroline loves to surround herself with wonder and creativity. Naturally curious, she enjoys adventures, whether through a nice walk or a good book. Her time is often spent recording voiceovers, preparing for interviews, writing articles, or editing audio. As a military spouse of 18 years, she will be the first to tell you that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, especially when you have a team of other military spouses to lean on and turn to. You can keep up with Caroline on IG @carolinekschafer.

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10 Minutes of Meditation a Day Can Transform Your Business

Like many entrepreneurs, I’m the kind of gal who likes to run my business and my life with a Plan (capital P). I like to think this quality serves us well in business. 

And it mostly does. 

But when plans go awry, it can wreak havoc on our personal health and lead to burnout in our businesses. 

So for those of us who have a hard time letting go of control and accepting the challenges that daily life throws our way (hello, 2020), meditation is a transformational and life-giving daily practice to implement in your life and business. 

My journey toward meditation

Prior to becoming a parent, I was ‘on’ a lot. I worked 12 hour days. My mantra was to push and push some more, pushing right through conflict, set backs, and stress. I thought that if I just kept going, it would eventually sort itself out.

And it kind of worked. Until I had my twins 6 years ago.

That’s when my strategy of always being on started to crumble. In fact, it fell completely and totally apart once I returned to work four months later. One morning, instead of heading to my desk, I went straight to an empty conference room, crawled underneath the table, and slept for the better part of my work day. 

I missed other meetings that day, but I didn’t feel guilty. In fact, I woke up so refreshed and focused, I felt great. I learned a valuable lesson that day: getting the rest we need when we need it is totally worth the effort. It recharges us and resets our balance.

Of course, we can’t always sleep when we need a break. You might take a long walk or spend a weekend without social media. And when I later discovered meditation, I learned that it’s an opportunity for rest, too. 

The benefits of meditation

The practice of mindfulness gives us a much-need break from the noise of 21st century life. It grounds us, helps us sleep, and reminds us of our goals and boundaries as business owners. 

Science agrees. Practicing mindfulness has been shown to lower rates of depression and anxiety, improve our emotional well being, and decrease the symptoms of some chronic illnesses.

And the reality is that as entrepreneurs and military spouses, we have a lot thrown at us. Taking regular, intentional breaks throughout the day makes us calmer, more deliberate business owners, spouses, and parents. 

Daily practice for entrepreneurs

While it feels counterproductive, intervals of rest throughout the day actually increase productivity and creativity. Regular breaks can help you improve memory, make decisions, and reflect.

Here are some ways to implement meditation throughout your day in just 10 minutes:

1. Start your day with quiet: Before you open your laptop or check your phone, take 10 minutes to sit quietly each morning. You can combine this with journaling, bible study, or other reflection time to ensure you’re starting your day with clear intentions and a calm heart.

2. Take a midday break: Move from your usual work spot to a bench, a favorite chair, or the floor. Turn off all notifications. Sit quietly or listen to meditation sounds with your eyes closed.

3. Walk mindfully: Out for a quick walk? Use a guided meditation to learn to walk more mindfully and with purpose.

4. Wind down mindfully: Give yourself 10 minutes before you climb into bed to sit quietly and reflect on your day. This offers a peaceful break between work and sleep, and helps you let go of the day so you rest more soundly. 

Meditation resources

As military spouses, we know better than most how unpredictable life can be, and the importance of health and wellness in the face of uncertainty. If you’re ready to give meditation a try, here are some of my go-to resources to get you started: 

Buddhify

This free mindfulness app offers short guided meditation sessions intended to be heard on the go. Listen in the car, on a walk, or play a mediation for your kids. This app has it all.

Brain.fm

For a mid-day burst of inspiration, try out Brain.fm’s relaxation music. These scientifically formulated sounds regulate brain activity and increase relaxation and focus.

Headspace

Headspace is a subscription-based meditation app that offers courses, techniques, and resources for learning about mindfulness in addition to a large library of guided sessions.

InDependent

A wellness community created just for military spouses, InDependent shares resources and tips on all things wellness.

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Heather is a fellow military spouse, conversion copywriter, and digital marketing strategist. She helps small businesses and entrepreneurs grow their online presence through persuasive website copy and a solid SEO strategy. She’s currently stationed in Fort Leavenworth, KS, with her spouse and twin boys, who just started Kindergarten. You can learn more about her work at her website, HD Copywriting. 

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How An Outstanding Navy Spouse Became the Self-Care Expert You Need to Know



Navy spouse Noralee Jones is the voice and influencer behind Mrs. Navy Mama, a brand that encourages self-care to help military spouses navigate home, marriage, and motherhood one duty station at a time.

You need to get to know her: she will be real with you about military spouse life on Instagram Stories, but then offer you thoughtful ways to overcome challenges over on her blog and in her Facebook group, all with the underlying message to nurture your self-care. 

Here’s more about Noralee’s entrepreneurship journey: 

The Beginning of Mrs. Navy Mama

Noralee was a career 9-to-5er, working as a speech-language pathologist and a mom who felt the nudge to pursue her purpose in a new way. She had never focused on writing before, but after guest blogging and watching other military spouses start blogs, she decided to take a blogging course and jump in. In the beginning, she wrote about many topics. But she found that self-care for military spouses was the one thing that she could talk about all day. 

What Noralee Loves Most About Mrs. Navy Mama

Noralee loves doing her work for Mrs. Navy Mama because it’s a way for her to serve the community in a tangible yet flexible way. She works out of the home part-time and has four children, so this is something she can do in the evenings and weekends. She loves filling the cups of other women and feels that her own cup is filled in return. She learns from the spouses that reach out with questions and comments about military life. Best of all, she loves having the opportunity to meet other military spouse entrepreneurs across the branches that she may never have met otherwise. 

Business + Life Harmony

Noralee doesn’t believe that there’s a true work/life balance. There are always ups and downs in the cycle of entrepreneurship and life. But, she sets specific boundaries around when she’s working and when she’s not. She hires a regular babysitter and has a house cleaner come once a month to do the deep cleaning. She stresses that it’s important to not feel guilty about hiring help so you can focus on the things that are most meaningful to you.

What a Successful Entrepreneur Looks Like

Right now, success as an entrepreneur looks like fulfillment in experiences and opportunities that she wouldn’t get otherwise. She’s been able to cultivate new skills, have different experiences, and become involved in a community that has helped her grow. She stresses that when a business is new, it’s important to measure success in non-financial ways. Success can come in many forms; it’s up to you to define it!

Organizations and People Who Have Helped Her Build Success

InDependent - InDependent is a non-profit organization that makes wellness accessible to all military spouses. She appreciates being part of their community because their thought processes and goals align with hers. 

AMSE - The Association of Military Spouse Entrepreneurs has helped her come in contact with other business-minded military spouses who have enriched her learning and experience on her journey of building her business.

Military Spouses Who Have Found Her - Noralee finds inspiration in the stories that military spouses share in her community. What seem like normal, everyday military life stories have meaningful depth, and that keeps her going. 

Her Biggest Accomplishment

Noralee’s is proud to have written her book, the Self-Care Guide for MILSOs. It was a big labor of love that took about eight months to write. The research she conducted while writing the book really helped her develop her expertise in the area of self-care. 

Her Biggest Challenge

Being taken seriously. Noralee wants everyone to know that the numbers of followers don’t predict capability. If you give her a job, she will do it and do it well. 

Her Advice for New Bloggers

Build a solid foundation from the start. Put in the groundwork to learn SEO and work in your niche rather than having to backtrack later. 

Exciting Things to Come

She’s still working out the kinks, but she’d love to develop a companion resource for her book: a self-paced course on self-care that aids military spouses as they discover how they want to nurture their self-care and gives them the resources to do it. 

Support She Needs Right Now

Noralee would love to have some help marketing herself as a writer, entrepreneur, and defender of self-care. 

How Mrs. Navy Mama is Going to Change the World

Through the Mrs. Navy Mama community, Noralee is going to provide military spouses with the ability to make the most of their lives and not feel stagnant. Military life doesn’t have to dictate how you feel. You don’t have to put everyone and everything above yourself. There are a lot of different ways military spouses can take care of themselves, and Mrs. Navy Mama is there to show them the way.

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Kimberly Bacso is an MBA who exchanged an office with a view for a life of adventure when she became a military spouse in 2001. She is the co-founder and operations director of InDependent, a non-profit on a mission to make wellness accessible to all military spouses. She is the managing editor of Legacy Magazine, a print publication celebrating service member families and the communities that support them. Kimberly is an experienced registered yoga teacher and a lifelong vegetarian who can often be found traveling off the beaten path with her husband and teenage daughter.

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Business Boundaries Are Critical for Your Survival



Whether you are a seasoned business owner or just venturing on your first entrepreneurial journey, you probably remember a time in which having unhealthy or non-existent boundaries created conflict in your life. Have you ever said "yes" to adding one more task to your already impossible to complete to-do list? We have all been there, done that. 

Recognizing when it's appropriate to say no sounds like an easy task, but it trips many people up. Ever had a hard time telling your child that he or she couldn't get a new toy or participate in an activity? As parents, we want to provide our children with not only their needs but also their wants. 

A nostalgic example of how vital boundaries are comes from "The Simpsons" cartoon.

Bart Simpson's pranks are notorious for getting him into trouble. In one episode, Bart gets into serious trouble for a prank. Marge and Homer decide to put their foot down and banish him to his room with no dessert. While in his room, Bart is confident that one of his parents will give in and release him from his punishment. After what seems like forever, Bart starts rethinking his mischievous ways. He promises aloud to be a good boy because his parents were, for once, serious about sticking to the boundaries they set.

But in the final minutes of the episode, Homer sneaks upstairs and gives Bart some dessert. Bart, realizing that his parents have poor boundaries, does his infamous laugh, "Ha, Ha, Ha….Sucker!" Bart's boundary-testing pranks are part of what makes "The Simpsons," the long-standing satirical animated genius of its time. 

Realistically, we recognize how problematic it can be to play fast and loose with boundaries with our children, but the same rules apply when business is involved. We all want to make a good impression or put in the extra hours to get that project done, but ask yourself, "at what cost?" 

When we say "yes" to something, we say "no" to other opportunities in our lives.

Society tells women, in particular, to work harder than their male counterparts to be taken seriously and to become successful. Not having boundaries affects both our business and personal lives. It's a slippery slope; once you start to let one thing slide, it's easy to fall into a continuous cycle of poor and unhealthy boundaries.

What exactly do unhealthy boundaries look like in business? 

Constantly feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and burnt out are signs that your boundaries need to be checked and readjusted. Accepting clients outside of your posted business hours is one surefire way to quick burnout. Imagine opening your availability to accommodate all of your clients' varying schedules. Think about that for a moment. How awesome would it be if our favorite store offered hours to fit our plans? You might get a sale, but at what cost? While your family is out enjoying a beautiful Saturday afternoon, you're stuck at work. Perhaps you're not in the office, but you're home and connected to your laptop, phone, and email. There's no quality time spent with your loved ones. The tension in your relationship can quickly mount. 

As business owners, we recognize that customers are essential to your success, whether you have a product or service-based company. But are there any limitations on how much access you give to them? 

So How Do You Set Boundaries?

First, decide who your ideal client is and stop trying to fit your business to meet everyone's needs. 

Defining your niche and understanding your avatar should be done well before opening your doors. If you haven't niched down, now is the time. When first starting, you might be tempted to get any clients in the door or on your calendar. Working outside of your specialty and ideal client is another fast way to burnout. Before you know it, there's less enjoyment in your work and eventually resenting your own business. If you've ever heard of the saying, 'jack of all trades, master of none,' you understand the plight. Focus on the one thing you're great at and make sure your sales copy speaks to your avatar. For those who are outside of your niche, refer them to another great business. This referral process is an essential step in building genuine relationships with other business owners. Clients will also appreciate you looking out for their best interest and may refer someone to your business in the future. 

Next, have an honest conversation with yourself about your ability to hold clients and yourself accountable. 

Review your policies and disclosures. You must enforce your policies if you ever want to be respected in your business. Remember how Bart went back on his promise to be good once Homer displayed poor boundary enforcement? If you have a cancellation policy in your consent and disclosures, clearly explain to your client upfront and hold them accountable. Having accountability doesn't mean that you are so rigid that you never give anyone a break, but make exceptions sparingly. When you hold space for someone who doesn't respect your time, you deny that opportunity for others. That time could go to another client, or you could have enjoyed time with your loved ones. 

Finally, remind yourself of your mission and vision for your business. 

As an entrepreneur, you have the opportunity to create the business life you want to live. How does your business's mission align with your life? Many entrepreneurs wish for financial freedom and to spend more time with loved ones. When you start to feel burnt out, overworked, and off-center, remind yourself of your mission and values. Use these as a gauge for how well you are running your business. 

Healthy business boundaries will ensure you remain true to your commitments to yourself, your brand, and your family.

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Dr. LaQuista Erinna is a licensed therapist, speaker, and author. As an Army Veteran and former military spouse, she is passionate about eliminating mental health stigma in military communities. She enjoys educating and inspiring others about mental health & wellness, resiliency, and women’s empowerment. To connect with Dr. LaQuista, visit https://laquistaerinnaspeaks.com/ or @laquistaerinna on social media. 

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